Secrets are Not a Good Sign

Family therapists agree that a successful marriage is based on honest communication. On the other hand, most divorce attorneys will tell you that spouses go to incredible lengths to deceive one another.

Consider one example. John Doe had run up more than $100,000 in credit card debt—and his wife had no clue. Or she didn’t, until a hard-charging collector suggested that John take out a home equity loan to pay off his substantial debt.

The collector asked to speak with John’s wife, to advise her of John’s debt situation and explain why it would be wise to take out a home equity loan. John told the collector that he had “taken extraordinary care to keep the amount of his debt concealed from his spouse.”

The collector contacted John’s wife anyway—and told her everything.

John sued the collector’s employer—a bank specializing in credit cards and mortgages for people with bad credit—for invasion of privacy. He used a phony name to keep his identity out of public records.

The bank never got the Doe's to take out a home equity loan. But it did succeed in causing “a loss of reputation and stature” with his wife, John alleged in his lawsuit, as well as “marital disharmony and mental anguish.”

There can be enough of that in a marriage without secret credit card debt.

Did the collector have a right to tell John’s wife about the credit card debt? The court said yes:

[John]’s spouse has a “natural and proper interest” in knowing about [his] credit card debt because, depending on the nature of those debts, she is potentially liable…. Also, [his] spouse has a legitimate concern in learning about the credit card debt because [it can] adversely affect her future financial security in the event of divorce….

As crazy as it seems for, basically, a salesperson to expose secrets about a husband’s credit status to his wife, it’s perfectly legal.

You do have a right to know what your spouse is up to—and your spouse has a right to know what you’re up to—especially when it comes to finances.

Next: Divorcing Into Bankruptcy